random Archives

August 22, 2007

A conversation about Bad Dudes

Me: I just downloaded a rom of Bad Dudes, was the premise for this game always this awful?
Sherman: I don't remember, but I liked the game. I just remember charging my punch then… BAM!
Me: "The President has been kidnapped by ninjas Are you a bad enough dude to rescue the President?" WTF is that?
Sherman: haha. Bad Dudes rocks. I don't think I was a bad enough dude to save the president though.
Me: I was bad enough, but my mom didn't let me have any quarters so I didn’t beat it either.

August 25, 2007

Dear Mr. Fidel Castro,

I love your personalized adidas track suit. Where did you get it? Nordies? Well, no matter, I would like to offer you a trade. In exchange for one of your personalized F. Castro track jacket, and I know you probably have like three, I will offer you my Westpoint Military Academy PE shirt that I stole from my big brother or my copy of Spawn #1 signed by Todd McFarlane himself. Choose wisely, I eagerly await your response.

P.S. What’s up with that communism thing?

August 29, 2007

August Playlist

1. Stars - Reunion (Jason Collett) (3:54)
2. Little Ones - Lovers Who Uncover (4:13)
3. Little Ones - Face The Facts (3:20)
4. Limbeck - Keeping Busy (2:18)
5. Limbeck - Let's Get Crazy (2:51)
6. The Format - She Doesn't Get It (3:53)
7. The Format - Snails (4:11)
8. Rilo Kiley - Silver Lining (3:36)

August 30, 2007

Pool Activities: U-571

The rule is, anytime you get 2 or more bored guys together a game will materialize. Call it pack theory, machismo, or whatever, this is a certifiable rule. But you're probably saying, "Terry, me and my guy friends don't do that." Well congrats, you guys lead an exciting life full of nonstop action or you've already lost your man cards (see married).

So the other day, Sherman and I were sitting around a pool being bored with a cooler full of soda and beer cans. We started talking about submarine movies and then bam: U-571. One man is the submarine and has to swim from end to end while the other guy hucks depth charges (full unopened soda can) at him. You can come up for air at your own risk, the game ends when sub makes it to the other side or gets hit. Bonus points if you knock someone unconscious or refer to your penis as a periscope.

September 18, 2007

Chevy jump starts a Lambo

If you're going to spend a quarter mil on a sports car, splurge a little. Go ahead and spend $100 on AAA or a new battery. Don't wake your buddy on Saturday morning asking him to drive his Chevy Tahoe over and give you a jumpstart. Also, don't park in the handicap spot, jerk.

September 21, 2007

Oh I'm just out for a walk...


September 27, 2007

Corn corn corn

Here's a little fun fact from October's issue of Harper's. It takes three kernels of corn to make the amount of corn syrup in one piece of candy corn. But, there are eight times as many calories in a piece of candy corn as there are in a kernel of corn. Wow! Mind blowing huh? Also, corn makes poop look Santa Fe style chili. That's not really from Harpers, that's just a bit of research I did on my own.

October 3, 2007

I've been busy


October 16, 2007


Do these potholders make me look fat?

October 24, 2007

Are you ready?

Oakley Razorblades
When Doc Brown comes roaring up in his DeLorean saying "Marty there's no time to explain. Something terrible has happened in 1986!" I'm going to be ready.

November 20, 2007

The HAHA with David Cross & Demetri Martin

Ripping on celebs while they’re living their personal lives is too easy. They’re humans just like you or me; capable of getting in DUI’s or other legal proceedings. It’s when they put their best foot forward and apply all of their Hollywood gloss and polish and still fail that true comedy gold occurs. Take this article for example: Two very funny men, David Cross and Demetri Martin team up to rip the vocal talents of big screen actors to shreds. Hilarious.

December 17, 2007

Hello, I made a video

It’s a short promo for EFC’s winter retreat. There’s also a copy on youtube, Call it Web 2.0 paranoia, but I refuse to embed anything besides flickr on my site.

December 28, 2007

The most expensive drink at Starbucks

Is a 13 shot venti soy hazelnut vanilla cinnamon white mocha with extra white mocha and caramel, it costs $13.76 and will piss off everyone in line. Go ahead try it; this guy did.

January 2, 2008

Happy Gregorian New Year!

Hope everyone stayed safe and healthy this past Monday night. While gallivanting around town that night, I thought to myself, “How stupid is this?” There’s all these people out just to celebrate the changing of the last digit of the year in the Gregorian calendar. This lead me to think, if it’s just another excuse to party, why just limit yourself to one calendar why not celebrate all winter long?
  • January 1: Gregorian New Year
  • January 10: Islamic New Year
  • January 14: Julian New Year
  • February 7: Chinese New Year
  • February 8 - February 10: Tibetan New Year
  • March 14: Nanakshahi New Year
  • March 21: Iranian New Year
  • March 30: Saka New Year
  • April 13-15: Thai New Year

January 4, 2008

Facebook apps I’d like to see

Let’s face it, Facebook is the social network that all the cool people are on. Part of the appeal is the ability to develop new application via its API. The other part is the ability to ogle people who’d normally shun you faster than bacon at a bar mitzvah. Back to the point, apps; these are little web widgets that integrate into your profile that let you interact with your contacts in a new fashion. You can compare similarities, send random images, share recipes… basically all the crappy things retired people do because they have too much time and not enough will to live. Currently there are about 12,500 apps, most of them do the same stupid thing (hugs), but here are a few new ideas for apps that I’m just too stupid lazy to make:

Continue reading "Facebook apps I’d like to see" »

January 8, 2008

Zerg for president

I have a certain soft spot for third-party candidates and underdogs: Nader, Camejo, Kucinich. And while most people would say, “Why should I vote for them, they’re not going to get elected anyways”. I think you should really give this candidate a real look. Take a look at his stance on some of the key issues:
  • War in Iraq: Spawn more overlords
  • Immigration: Spawn more overlords
  • Education: Spawn more overlords
  • Foreign policy: Spawn more overlords
  • Health care: Spawn more overlords
  • Economy: Spawn more overlords
  • Energy & environment: Spawn more overlords

January 15, 2008

Stop global warming, legalize gay marriage

photo by noamgalai'
SHOCKING! I know right? But hear me out. Here, in California, where I live, registered domestic partners have to prepare three Federal tax returns between two individuals. Currently, Federal law does not acknowledged domestic partnerships, so when it comes to filing their income tax returns, they file two separate individual tax returns. Nothing new here. But when they file their California return, these two people MUST file as “married separately” or “married jointly”. However, since filing a joint California return requires numbers from a joint Federal return; a third “dummy” Federal tax return must be prepared. So that’s 2 individual Federal returns and 1 dummy joint Federal return as opposed to just 1 tax return a married couple would file.

Currently there are roughly 40,000 couples that have registered as domestic partners in California. Here’s where we get crazy with some assumptions. Assuming each one of these couples does not e-file, and that the average return is about 15 pages; an additional 120,000 pages of paper are created every year. All of which is due to this discrepancy between Federal and state law.

Continue reading "Stop global warming, legalize gay marriage" »

January 17, 2008

Just so you know

Greenland's coat of arms is the best coat of arms. I mean, it's got a freaking polar bear ready to make out in attack mode. I dare you to find a better coat of arms.

February 13, 2008

Happy Love Day 2008

Alexandra Neonaki does a series of video game themed valentines cards. New for this year: Team Fortress 2.
I less than three all of you.

February 12, 2008

My eyes, they bleed

So I was looking over the Oscar nominations and thought to myself, “Huh. I don’t think I even watched that many movies this past year. In fact, I barely watch television.” But then I started going through my Netflix queue and all the movies that had been release this year; turns out I watch quite a few movies. Actually, I watch a sickening amount of movies and television. Here's what I watched in 2007 (in no particular order):

Movies (either in theaters or on DVD):
The Prestige
Wet Hot American Summer
Planet Terror
Little Miss Sunshine
Pan's Labyrinth
Eagle vs Shark
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End
Spider-Man 3
I Am Legend
The Simpsons Movie
Smokin' Aces
The Number 23
Blades of Glory
Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters
28 Weeks Later
Knocked Up
Live Free or Die Hard
Ghost Rider (it was on a long plane trip to Europe)
The Ten
Hot Fuzz
Windy City Heat
Everything Is Illuminated
Superman: Doomsday
Jackass 2.5
Children of Men
Snakes on a Plane

Television Series:
Whitest Kids U’Know
Wonder Showzen
Lucy Daughter of the Devil
Dead Like Me
This American Life
The Office
30 Rock
Kenny VS Spenny

This doesn't include the random bits of YouTube, Comedy Central, or Spongebob nor does it include things I have on in the background when I'm doing other things. These are movies and shows that I've watched in their entirety.

March 6, 2008

Computers were better when you were 8

So I'm here. At work. At work doing audits and taxes. Today we bought a piece of software called Number Cruncher and got all excited and said "NUMBER CRUNCHER, I FREAKING LOVE NUMBER CRUNCHER" thinking it was an old math game we used to play at school on the Apple IIc. No, stupid me, that game was called Number Munchers and you got to move a little pac-man type dude around the screen eating numbers and avoid baddies.

This one is called Number Cruncher, and you get to calculate earnings per share.

Now everyone at the office thinks I have a hard-on for financial calculation software.

March 21, 2008

Talk dirty to me

With spring fast approaching and bikers coming out in full bloom, it seems timely to bring up the topic of cycling nomenclature. When out sunbathing at the beach or having a picnic in the park, you might overhear a cyclist's conversation that seems unsavory, perhaps even scandals. However, there is no need to cover the little ones' ears; these sayings are quite innocent and a normal part of wheelmen's discourse. Here are some examples of things that sound dirty to your average pedestrian, but are quite innocent in the world of cycling:
  • Come feel my thighs.
  • Who wants a shot of Gu in their mouth?
  • I'm going to hug your ass for the rest of this ride.
  • Campy gruppo.
  • My doctor gave me this cream for my saddle sores.
  • No fatties are allowed to ride my xtracycle.
  • Nice (bike) rack!
  • You just stripped my nipple.
  • I rode that one too hard and my tube went soft.
  • Let's have sex.

August 6, 2008

It's 1975

and this man is about to show you the future. Here's a great set of slides from a 1975 IBM presentaion.

September 11, 2008

Man Bikes into Bear

via the Associated Press

A middle school teacher suffered some bruising and a big scratch on his back after he struck a bear while riding his bicycle to school. Jim Litz said he was traveling about 25 mph Monday morning when he came upon a rise and spotted a black bear about 10 feet in front of him. He didn't have time to stop and T-boned the bruin.
So besides cars, motorcycles, pedestrians, cops, potholes, and other bikers, we gotta look out for bears now? That's it, I'm finding a new hobby. Preferably something where I don't end up flying head first into a big ball of fur and claws.

September 22, 2008

16 irresponsible things you should do this weekend

Why should those financial institutions who sold mortgage backed securities have all the fun? Look it's your life, get out there and live it. Here are 16 irresponsible things you should do this weekend.
  1. buy/sell drugs
  2. knife someone
  3. eat a whole box of donuts by yourself
  4. go streaking
  5. make an "ethnic" friend
  6. steal things
  7. ride a bike with no brakes
  8. tear the labels off of mattresses
  9. pee in public
  10. hit on girls way out of your league
  11. talk to yourself in the Walmart gun aisle
  12. see how long you can practice nunchucks in front of your roommate before they punch you
  13. go to a gay bar and get free drinks
  14. run up a credit card debt, pay off that credit card with another credit card, keep this up until you max out all your cards
  15. go to a Japanese restaurant and insist that they serve you fugu. Attempt seppaku with a chopstick if they refuse
  16. walk barefoot in the subway
Hopefully on Monday morrning, the federal government will give you 700 billion dollars.

September 23, 2008

7 Celebrity Names if they were to appear on Spongebob

  • Mandy Alaba-Moore
  • Tila Tilapia
  • Jessica Abalone
  • Shark Gable
  • Mark Whale-berg
  • Cod Stewart
  • Grouper Murdoch
I'm so bored.

October 8, 2008


Does my homemade Silver Samurai costume make me look fat?

October 30, 2008

5 things you could do right now to be more manly

  1. Pop the hood of your car
  2. Move some furniture
  3. Run somewhere without stretching
  4. Punch a wall
  5. Know what beers are on tap
Well? What are you waiting for?

November 4, 2008

Want to influence the election by more than your 1 vote?

photo by RocketArt

Go to your polling place at oh, let's say thirty minutes before the polls close. Here in California it's 7:30. Get your ballot, just sit in the booth, and just stay there. Do nothing. Don't talk. Don't make noises. Don't vote. Just stand there.

Chances are that you'll be in there for at least 10 minutes before a poll worker comes by and asks if you need "assistance". Kindly ask them to go away or just feign ignorance about these electronic voting machines and then ask them for privacy. You might want to use the restroom beforehand and bring a snack into the booth with you.

What happens when you invoke this kind of false indecision, since you're allowed as much time as you need to make your decision (see old people), is the machine you're using becomes tied-up indefinitely. This can prove strategic if the political demographic in your polling location differs from your own. People in line when polls are closed are still allowed vote, but I'm sure the long line you've helped to create will discourage a few away.

Anyways, I'm not sure how legal this is, but it sure would be hard to catch. Especially if you get a few of your friends in on it (again, see old people).

December 9, 2008

Oh I'm just having a nice sit...


February 20, 2009

my new jacket

Yeah, I could have saved some time and just taped a dollar on the back, but this just feels right.

April 13, 2009

OSX on a Dell Inspiron 530

Pardon my geek for a moment. A year ago, some clever folks figured out how to run OSX, Apple's beloved operating system, on non-apple made machines. Intrigued, I gave it a try and failed miserably. With no real documentation around, I figured this project was one of those pie-in-the-sky hopes; the type of thing that only people who code their own video drivers for Linux could accomplish. A year passed and I heard that people were making streamlined installation discs, modifying their own drivers, and even documenting their installation process. So I thought to myself, "let's give'er another go".

Continue reading "OSX on a Dell Inspiron 530" »

July 10, 2009

This is my power animal


August 3, 2009

Reverse Google

Let's play a game. I'm going to post a picture and the original link where the image came from. You're going to guess what word or set of words I used in order to find this result. Post your guess. Winner gets five bucks via PayPal.
Some rules:
  1. First person to guess the correct set of terms wins (FB comment/e-mail/twitter)
  2. You can guess as many times are you want
  3. The image isn't always the first search result
  4. The image isn't exclusively from that search result, however in order to win, you need to guess what my original search term is
  5. I'll provide the number of words
  6. You have to have a PayPal account to receive the money
  7. No cheating
Okay here we go:
from 3 words.

Update: Congrats to Huphtur. The correct term was "Mexican Knife Fight" Prizes were awarded and were fabulous

September 30, 2009

An open letter to wait staff at resturants

To whom it may concern,
In Henderson, Nevada, I ate a sushi boat that was clearly meant to be consumed by two people. The Japanese waitress tried to impress upon me that this meal was not for one person and that my request was not reasonable. My argument was "Look, I'm going to order this amount of food whether or not you like it. I'd just like the boat plate that normally accompanies it." Her argument was "But, the menu says it's for two." After a bit more of back and forth, she finally let me order it. And after the food came to our table, I regretted arguing with her. But 20 minutes later, I finished the entire pile of food and I rubbed my victory in her face.

October 23, 2009

old / new

I've carried the same wallet with me for the last six years. This Coach leather wallet has been in my back pocket nearly everyday since it was given to my as a gift. It's been through vacations, bike rides, long road-trips, and God knows how many accidental rinse cycles. Recently I was browsing a shopping outlet and found the exact same wallet. It was then, when I was holding the new wallet side-by-side against the old wallet, that I realized how beat up the old one was.

I purchased it and when I got home, I moved the contents of the old one into the new one. But it felt odd; a bit too unfamiliar; like new shoes that hurt your feet. After a day, I picked the old one out of the trash, and put the new one in a drawer. Maybe one day it'll get used, but not today.

January 19, 2010

The family that e-mails together, stays together

Dad: Terry and I reroute transmission fluid cooling path and replace transmission fluid, because dealer wanted to replace the transmission for $5,000 that was too much.

Me: I'm thinking about blowing up my truck and getting awesome insurance money.

Richard: Not anymore since now there is an email record of insurance fraud.

Dad: Terry is joking and the truck going to be fine for long time.


Mom: Terry, don't blown up (sic) your car.

June 15, 2010

Another conversation with HR

HR Lady: Terry, stop hiding people's keys.
Terry: That wasn't me. Also I don't think it counts as hiding if they're in plain sight
HR Lady: You paper clipped xxxxx's keys to the ceiling above her head
Terry: And?
HR Lady: She can't get to them.
Terry: Still, I don't think that constitutes hiding; maybe making them inaccessible.
HR Lady: Okay, fine, stop making people's keys inaccessible.
Terry: It wasn't me.
Pssst, I lied, it was me.

August 30, 2010

old people and cars

I was getting a drink from the coffee shop yesterday and an old woman asked me to help her start her car yesterday. Turns out she couldn't shift out of park because she wasn't stepping down on the brake-pedal. I told her "try stepping down on the brake first" she replied "like this?" and stomped down the accelerator. "WOAH WOAH WOAAH. Not like that" I tried yelling over the revving of her engine.

In the end she got the car to go; but I wonder how she got there in the first place.

October 1, 2010

A Mother's love and $323

My mom, my aunt, and I use the same credit union so it's fairly easy for us to transfer money back and forth between our accounts. This morning I had this e-mail exchange with my mom.

Mom: Terry, I accidentally transfer $323 to your checking account instead of your aunt's. Could you transfer it back to me? Thanks. Love, Mom.
Me: Can I keep $10 of it for lunch? Think of it as a "I love my son" charge.
Mom: You can take $23 and just transfer back $300 back to me. Thanks.
Me: Oh, you want me to have dessert too?
Mom: Sure.
Me: I think we should just make it an even $50; this way I can take a date. You want grandkids right?
Mom: You can take the whole $323 if you can promise me an adorable boy like in this picture. (attaches a childhood photo of me, see above).
Me: I just sent you back $323.

November 16, 2010

Happy Birthday, Mustache

Hello friends. Today is my 29th birthday. Like many years past, I know you all have lavish gifts in store for me (entire Rapha 2011 collection, '68 Shelby Cobra GT350, Amelia Earhart's aviator cap, etc). But this year, I must request that you all return these expensive yet tastefully appointed gifts and simply donate $10 (2 beers) to my Movember team: TEAM ZOMBSTACHE.

Sherman and I are growing mustaches for the entire month of November to raise awareness for prostate cancer. So far it's been amazing and terrible: our friends and family have been amazing in their support and generosity; our mustache growing ability is terrible. But as terrible as our facial hair is, prostate cancer is worse. Every year over 200,000 men are diagnosed with prostate cancer and 30,000 men die from it. Your (tax deductible) donation will benefit the Prostate Cancer Foundation and Lance Armstrong Foundation and hopefully will one day eradicate the living dead prostate cancer

Thank you and brains be with you.

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