rant Archives

August 12, 2007

Lost in translation (nerd rant)

Yes, I know that the new Transformers movie is supposed to be a “realistic interpretation” of the original cartoon. And while it has garnered praises from fans of the original series as well as movie critics, toy geeks like me have to deal with this crap:
A Transformers toy that doesn’t transform. Let me walk through this one. You made a movie about toy robots that transform into vehicles, but your toy based off of that movie doesn’t transform. That’s like George Lucas making Jedi action figures, but instead of light sabers, they get baseball bats or panini sandwiches. You’re missing the point, Hasbro. The best part of playing with Transformer toys was the transforming part. As a kid, I could really care less about what the toy looked like as a robot or if it turned into a tape recorder. It was that intermediate phase where you’d try to see how fast you could twist and tuck the pieces away without looking at the instructions or breaking off one of the limbs; that was the fun part! Why didn’t you make a blue and red big rig truck and call it Optimus Prime while you’re at it? In Hasbro’s defense they do make a “premium” line of toys for the new movie that transform, but they cost twice as much, and still kind of sucks.

September 7, 2007

I have a problem with Marié Digby

First off, I can't make that fucking little apostrophe thingy over the "e" with out opening up Character Map, so even talking shit about you is a pain in the ass. Anyways, yesterday's WSJ has an article about how Digby isn't this homespun talent that she makes herself out to be. Apparently her sudden and coincidental rise to fame is neither sudden nor coincidental. But rather a carefully crafted 18 month marketing campaign appealing to our sense of relatability. Yes she's hot, yes she's talented... but you know what, so is every other popstar out there. Just own up to being a corporate marketing product, we'll like you as much as Michelle Branch. Copy of the WSJ article after the jump.

Continue reading "I have a problem with Marié Digby" »

November 2, 2007

Why do your feet hate my eyes?

You can’t fool me Crocs 2.0! Just because you got rid of the swiss cheese topside and call it Hoki doesn’t make it any different. Whereas Crocs had only a single goal in mind, Hoki is,

“a fashionable shoe, which you could wear to the beach or to your wedding.”
Oh snap, the beach OR my wedding? I always wondered what kind of footwear James Bond would wear with his wetsuit tuxedo. The answer, apparently, is Hoki.

November 26, 2007

French Cuisine is Gruesome

Call me a dilettante or my palette crude, but I think French cuisine is just a huge grossout contest where no one has called the emperor naked. While vacationing in Paris this past spring, our traveling party thought it’d be neat to try some French cuisine. As an appetizer, I decided to have the anchovy platter. Now as a primer, I like fish and do enjoy anchovies on pizza. However these eight oiley filets were just barely edible and had a mouthfeel equivalent to prickly chewing gum. I had to choke back each one with a hearty swig of beer just to get most of it down. With just two left, I ran out of beer and decided not to attempt the remainder without a beverage in hand.

Let’s have another example shall we? An illicit item that is considered “a rite of passage for French gourmets” is the Ortolan. The Ortolan is a small songbird native to France and much of Europe. The recipe is quite cruel and reminds me of foie gras. The Ortolan is blinded (either by poking their eyes out or keeping them in complete darkness), force-fed until they’re four times their usual size, drowned in Armagnac (a type of brandy), and then baked whole. The small bird is supposed to be eaten in a single bite with a napkin placed over your head in order to trap any escaping aroma.

It should be noted that France has outlawed the sale of these birds, however its preparation still occurs. The Ortolan is still considered a delicacy and was served and former president’s François Mitterrand’s dying meal.

October 7, 2008

Miley Cyrus' birthday has been brought to you by The Walt Disney Company and its subsidiaries

So I was driving home after my weekly Sunday night training ride and saw the fireworks go off at Disneyland. But then realizing that it was 11:30pm, I shouted out loud "Double-You-Tee-Eff? Disneyland has gone mad!!" No sooner than I had realized that all my windows were wide open (I have body odor), did some lady walking along the sidewalk shout:
"IT'S MILEY'S BIRTHDAY". "OH OKAY." I responded Thinking for a second, I shouted, "WAIT, WHO'S MILEY?"
This went back and forth until the light turned green and I sped off completely bewildered by the whole situation and a little bit ashamed of how oblivious I am when it comes to pop-culture. Then today my co-worker pointed me at this AP article about Miley's birthday at Disneyland. Apparently it was pretty much a big PR stunt and money making event where Disney charged guests $250 for admission and made her perform. This made me sad on a few levels.
  1. Disneyland closed early that day kicking out the "poor" kids who couldn't shell out the $250. Meanwhile there's kids out there who don't even have money for food, medicine, and other basic necessities.
  2. Miley has essentially sold her childhood. Not that I feel that badly for her; I'm more depressed that her parents would think this is a good idea.
  3. I just blogged about Miley Cyrus.

October 17, 2008

Hello, I fixed your tshirt for you

Saw this t-shirt yesterday in my lovely Orange County community.

August 28, 2009

Hello, my name is Terry and I'm a lycra-holic

I was reviewing my year to date expenses when I noticed something: "I've spent four times as much on cycling equipment than I have on groceries." This got me thinking about how much time, effort and resources I've expended in pursuit of cycling. I've come up with a few metrics:
  • I own more cycling outfits than I do work pants.
  • I've never dieted for heath or religious reasons but am willing to diet in order to "go faster".
  • I've spent 10 minutes comparing prices on shampoo to save a dollar but haven't blinked twice about spending $21 on a 4oz tube of chamois cream.
  • I view changing my car's motor oil a chore while cleaning my bike's drivetrain a treat.
  • I haven't owned a Bic razor in years, and I only recently bought one to shave my legs.
  • My Outlook contact list has 4 categories: Family, Friends, Clients, Bike.
  • I've blown off holidays, birthdays, and other major social gatherings not just to ride but the night before a big ride because I want to "prepare myself".
  • I've worn mismatching socks out in public thinking "who's going to care", but have been hesitant to install mismatched stem/seatpost combinations because "everyone's going to think this looks stupid".
Side note: That $11 for books wasn't spent on a cycling book or even a book that was literature worthy. It was however, it was spent on this amazing and hilarious book.

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